he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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