...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
