there was a trapeze. enough said
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
