Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
