we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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