I think I can smell my own vagina right now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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