how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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