yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I just sharted jello shots
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