What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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