she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
