She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
