one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
