i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
