i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
