and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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