why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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