First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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