she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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