so explain again why im purple
no
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
