why im i the only drunk person in the library?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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