apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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