Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?

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(801): View more from Utah

just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year

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(309): View more from Illinois

And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick

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