I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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