I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
