in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
