At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
