Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
