And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize