it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
