i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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