I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
