even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
