i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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