i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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