Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
