Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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