We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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