the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
