Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize