The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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