I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
