i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
