my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
