Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just pee around me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
