the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Small penises have feelings too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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