Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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