I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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