Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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