Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
