Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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