It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
