I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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