I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
