oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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