Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
