don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize