I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
