Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
