So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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