Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
