It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ketchup is God's man juice
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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