I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize