I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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