She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
