Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
