is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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