I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
