You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
