we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
