come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
