so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
