I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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