It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have fence marks all over my body
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my liver is dry heaving
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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