There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
