also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
