If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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