fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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