so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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