so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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