lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
