I wish life had little blips of pornography
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
