I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
