Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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