I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
