This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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