So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
