I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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