Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
