I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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