we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
