you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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