dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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