The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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