We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it penis luge time yet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
