I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
