True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
