Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
