it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
