Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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