You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
