answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize