it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
