You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
