I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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