Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
