when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
